Windows of opportunity closed, and I am left holding an empty bag. I am not a kiss-and-tell person, so I will only say that I will live through this ordeal, and the rest of the world will not stop turning because of one little person.
I am still continuing my sessions with my therapist. She has surmised that I am actually using this blog for cryptic communication - to myself. You see, to ameliorate the effects of my ECT, I have to leave some clues to myself and hope that my IQ is enough to figure the rest for myself.
A lot of page views to my site from Google results on "Ang Kapatiran" and "Dr. Martin Bautista". Good thing that my post, even though on a blog with limited readership, has been a bridge to the Ang Kapatiran and Dr. Bautista's blogs. I will be putting up a permanent link to the three sites on my sidebar.
I remember growing up in Kalibo, Aklan, where a lot of local politicians were doctors, and was trusted with a lot more compared to lawyers. I felt the potential of serving in public office with the trust that the common people have in their physician.
But when I was given the opportunity to volunteer in a mortar-and-brick operation, I saw that no matter how good your intentions are, the "old guard" is out to demolish the opponent's campaign. By any means possible.
An all-doctor mayor-vice mayor tandem, with a sound political agenda and the political muscle, would be expected to win hands down. Instead, the mayoralty candidate was trounced by a lawyer opponent by exploiting the one weakness she was able to turn into a strength - her being a physician.
Of course, what does one doctor know about making laws, balancing budgets, and other managerial tasks involving a large, diverse team of bureaucrats? This argument may be unsound, but its simplicity would appeal to the majority who will be led into believing that doctors will not have the requisite training to be a politician.
Even if I went into the Doctors to the Barrios program, made peace with the mayor and "politicized" my practice to allow me to secure a foothold in the town capitol later, it would still require the logistics of a campaign and a pragmatic viewpoint of the situation on the ground before I could be elected into office.
And I do not possess the charisma, statesmanship or sheer political savvy at the present time to pursue public service. Nor do I have the funds to supplant those with the proven three G's: guns, goons, gold.
That is why I admire the bravado of Dr. Bautista for undertaking such a herculean task. I wish him Godspeed and hope that he is the "wake-up call" our country needs.
To all my friends,
From now on, I would be posting a little less regularly on my blog. I may not be disclosing everything here. I can tell you however that I am drained by recent events, and with things as they are I am seriously reconsidering why I got into this mess in the first place.
I still believe in fair compensation and an abolition of the ad hoc systems of residency "training". However at the present time I am resigned to my fate of burdening my parents further with an unreasonable amount of financial support while I work as a resident in a government hospital.
I remember when I was doing an additional ad hoc teaching task because I was the lowest in the residency food chain. I asked my junior interns a bonus essay question:
What do you see yourself in 10 years?Their answers, filled with the idealism of youth, all seemed to point to one goal - having completed a training program, with the competence to handle patients, and being fairly compensated to boot.
When I realized that I have to look for my answer, I went on a journey that saw me in the depths of despair.
I have realized a lot of things, the most important being that the restrictions and class structures in Philippine society make it far from a land of opportunity.
So, having resigned to my fate, I will now think of alternative scenarios to salvage even one of those beliefs - fair compensation.
If that brings me to employment in a call center, well, those are the breaks.
In closing, I would like to ask you to bear with me as I go through a difficult time. Thank you.